You Might be a Hauntaholic if...
1. You're pestered all year by neighborhood kids who want to know what the theme for this year is.
2. You find yourself thinking that one corpse is more attractive than another.
3. You get more excited over a fog machine than a dirty movie.
4. You have more help at your haunt than necessary for an old fashioned barn raising.
5. You have more than ten sound effect CD's.
6. You have names for the skeletons in your closet.
7. You play spooky music all year round.
8. You spend more on one Halloween than on your entire wedding.
9. You spend more on one Halloween than on your spouse for the entire history of your marriage.
10. You try to make Fido look like a hellhound every Halloween.
11. Your neighbors look slantways at you and avoid you a full month before Halloween.
12. Your shed, basement, and attic contain nothing but Halloween props.
13. The only candelabra you own is in a spider web motif.
14. There's a monster under your bed because your shed, attic and basement is full.
15. Your electric bill is higher in October than in July.
16. The family dog ignores masked individuals breaking into your house.
17. You see haunt possibilities with every road kill you cause.... uh, I mean... see.
18. Instead of giving your child a cat or dog you gave them a gargoyle to play with.
19. When your neighbors are asked about Halloween, they roll their eyes and point at your house
20. The guy at the paint counter at the hardware store sees you coming and starts stacking gallon cans
of flat black on the counter.
21. You go to "Goth Night" at a local club, armed with a pocketful of "volunteer recruitment" flyers.
22. You can't watch a horror movie without jotting down ideas every two minutes.
23. You're nervous about taking rolls of film in to be developed, for fear the police might show up at
your house looking for the corpses that the developer clued them in to.
24. You have a room in your house reserved for special props and projects, and won't allow anyone in
there because it'll "spoil the Halloween surprise!"
25. You scare other family members or neighbors on a regular basis, often without meaning to.
26. Your ideal pet would be a black cat, a tarantula, a snake, a bat, or a rat.
27. People refuse to walk into your house at night.
28. People refuse to walk into your house in broad daylight.
29. You have a customized license plate that has something to do with Halloween.
30. You start actually setting up your yard haunt in August.
31. You still aren't finished on Halloween, but it'll do. Gotta start earlier next year.
32. You cannot throw anything away that could even conceivably be used to scare someone. Even if
you don't know how yet.
33. You judge homes by how well a haunt could be set up in them.
34. The boys in the white coats are afraid to come in your yard.
35. Your children turn their bedroom into a giant spider web by stringing yarn everywhere and pretend
to attack when you get tangled in it.
36. Your 4 year old announces to the class that he/she wants to be a vampire when he/she grows up.
37. Your toddler's first word is "REDRUM".
38. Your kids hiss at each other and make claws with their hands when they fight.
39. It's not uncommon to see "Barbi" hanging in a noose in your daughter's room.
40. Your teenageer wants their "own" coffin.
41. "Addams Family" books are the most common children's books laying around the house.
42. You still think your kids are well adjusted.
43. Around the month of October your Christian friends tell you they'll pray for you.
44. Around the month of October your non-Christian friends tell you they'll pray for you.
45. During the month of October your front yard/house looks like a set for a Wes Craven movie.
46. You have a bumper sticker on your car that reads... "My other is a broom".
47. You keep all of your Christmas decorations inside a coffin since all of your storage space is taken
up with Halloween props.
48. People knock on your door at 9:30 am in August wanting a tour of your haunted house, and you
give them one!
49. You cannot drive past an old vacant building without mentioning to your pasengers that "That
would make a great place to have a Haunted House!"
50. You have a panic attack when you get down to your last roll of duct tape or your last stick of hot
glue.
51. People giving directions in your neighborhood say "take a left at the weird house with the hearse
in front".
52. You know the layout to Home Depot better than the employees.
53. Your idea of a great vacation is to take the week before Halloween off so you can decorate.
54. You take the day after Halloween off so you can go hit the sales.
55. You wonder about the legality of exhuming relatives to use for props.
56. You started buying stuff for Halloween 2002 before Halloween 2001 was finished.
57. You could feed a small, third world nation on what you spend on Halloween props, decorations
and supplies in one year.
58. Someone tells you they have fallen in love with one of their props, and you think it is perfectly
reasonable (and wonder about double dating).
59. You spew in the toiler, then say to yourself, "Hey! How can I make THAT, without drinking six
cases of beer?"
60. You regularly go to the city morgue for "ideas."
61. You buy stock in PVC.
62. Instead of leaving them to science your family and friends have willed their bodies to you.
63. You wonder who designs Elvira's clothes and whether you can buy her gowns "off the rack".
64. Your Halloween stuff takes up more space than every other item n your house combined.
65. When your neighbors see you they make the sign of the cross and leave the area immediately.
66. You are the reason black paint is sold out all over town.
67. At Christmas time and your birthday people ask you what you want for Halloween.
68. You look confused when people ask when you're taking your Halloween decorations down.
69. You try to find ways to integrate Halloween props into your everyday home decor.
70. You come to view graveyards not as resting places for the dead, butas "source material" for
building Styrofoam tombstones.
71. Even the Jehovah Witnesses won't come to your door during the the month of October.
72. You think Vincent Price is a "hottie".
73. Gothic is your favorite style of home decor.
74. Phobias don't cause perspiration but inspiration.
75. You need someone to remind you to take medicines, eat, take care of your children, and pets
during the month of October.
76. You send out invitations to your Halloween Party in June.
77. You never clean out the cobwebs from real spiders because they'll look great in October.
78. You built a belfry on your house to attract bats.
79. You have more tombstones than the nearest cemetery.
80. You watch movies like "The Exorcist", "Night of the Living Dead" and "Poltergeist" for prop
"research".
81. You own a chainsaw that's kept in perfect running order, but it hasn't had a chain on it in 3 years.
2. You find yourself thinking that one corpse is more attractive than another.
3. You get more excited over a fog machine than a dirty movie.
4. You have more help at your haunt than necessary for an old fashioned barn raising.
5. You have more than ten sound effect CD's.
6. You have names for the skeletons in your closet.
7. You play spooky music all year round.
8. You spend more on one Halloween than on your entire wedding.
9. You spend more on one Halloween than on your spouse for the entire history of your marriage.
10. You try to make Fido look like a hellhound every Halloween.
11. Your neighbors look slantways at you and avoid you a full month before Halloween.
12. Your shed, basement, and attic contain nothing but Halloween props.
13. The only candelabra you own is in a spider web motif.
14. There's a monster under your bed because your shed, attic and basement is full.
15. Your electric bill is higher in October than in July.
16. The family dog ignores masked individuals breaking into your house.
17. You see haunt possibilities with every road kill you cause.... uh, I mean... see.
18. Instead of giving your child a cat or dog you gave them a gargoyle to play with.
19. When your neighbors are asked about Halloween, they roll their eyes and point at your house
20. The guy at the paint counter at the hardware store sees you coming and starts stacking gallon cans
of flat black on the counter.
21. You go to "Goth Night" at a local club, armed with a pocketful of "volunteer recruitment" flyers.
22. You can't watch a horror movie without jotting down ideas every two minutes.
23. You're nervous about taking rolls of film in to be developed, for fear the police might show up at
your house looking for the corpses that the developer clued them in to.
24. You have a room in your house reserved for special props and projects, and won't allow anyone in
there because it'll "spoil the Halloween surprise!"
25. You scare other family members or neighbors on a regular basis, often without meaning to.
26. Your ideal pet would be a black cat, a tarantula, a snake, a bat, or a rat.
27. People refuse to walk into your house at night.
28. People refuse to walk into your house in broad daylight.
29. You have a customized license plate that has something to do with Halloween.
30. You start actually setting up your yard haunt in August.
31. You still aren't finished on Halloween, but it'll do. Gotta start earlier next year.
32. You cannot throw anything away that could even conceivably be used to scare someone. Even if
you don't know how yet.
33. You judge homes by how well a haunt could be set up in them.
34. The boys in the white coats are afraid to come in your yard.
35. Your children turn their bedroom into a giant spider web by stringing yarn everywhere and pretend
to attack when you get tangled in it.
36. Your 4 year old announces to the class that he/she wants to be a vampire when he/she grows up.
37. Your toddler's first word is "REDRUM".
38. Your kids hiss at each other and make claws with their hands when they fight.
39. It's not uncommon to see "Barbi" hanging in a noose in your daughter's room.
40. Your teenageer wants their "own" coffin.
41. "Addams Family" books are the most common children's books laying around the house.
42. You still think your kids are well adjusted.
43. Around the month of October your Christian friends tell you they'll pray for you.
44. Around the month of October your non-Christian friends tell you they'll pray for you.
45. During the month of October your front yard/house looks like a set for a Wes Craven movie.
46. You have a bumper sticker on your car that reads... "My other is a broom".
47. You keep all of your Christmas decorations inside a coffin since all of your storage space is taken
up with Halloween props.
48. People knock on your door at 9:30 am in August wanting a tour of your haunted house, and you
give them one!
49. You cannot drive past an old vacant building without mentioning to your pasengers that "That
would make a great place to have a Haunted House!"
50. You have a panic attack when you get down to your last roll of duct tape or your last stick of hot
glue.
51. People giving directions in your neighborhood say "take a left at the weird house with the hearse
in front".
52. You know the layout to Home Depot better than the employees.
53. Your idea of a great vacation is to take the week before Halloween off so you can decorate.
54. You take the day after Halloween off so you can go hit the sales.
55. You wonder about the legality of exhuming relatives to use for props.
56. You started buying stuff for Halloween 2002 before Halloween 2001 was finished.
57. You could feed a small, third world nation on what you spend on Halloween props, decorations
and supplies in one year.
58. Someone tells you they have fallen in love with one of their props, and you think it is perfectly
reasonable (and wonder about double dating).
59. You spew in the toiler, then say to yourself, "Hey! How can I make THAT, without drinking six
cases of beer?"
60. You regularly go to the city morgue for "ideas."
61. You buy stock in PVC.
62. Instead of leaving them to science your family and friends have willed their bodies to you.
63. You wonder who designs Elvira's clothes and whether you can buy her gowns "off the rack".
64. Your Halloween stuff takes up more space than every other item n your house combined.
65. When your neighbors see you they make the sign of the cross and leave the area immediately.
66. You are the reason black paint is sold out all over town.
67. At Christmas time and your birthday people ask you what you want for Halloween.
68. You look confused when people ask when you're taking your Halloween decorations down.
69. You try to find ways to integrate Halloween props into your everyday home decor.
70. You come to view graveyards not as resting places for the dead, butas "source material" for
building Styrofoam tombstones.
71. Even the Jehovah Witnesses won't come to your door during the the month of October.
72. You think Vincent Price is a "hottie".
73. Gothic is your favorite style of home decor.
74. Phobias don't cause perspiration but inspiration.
75. You need someone to remind you to take medicines, eat, take care of your children, and pets
during the month of October.
76. You send out invitations to your Halloween Party in June.
77. You never clean out the cobwebs from real spiders because they'll look great in October.
78. You built a belfry on your house to attract bats.
79. You have more tombstones than the nearest cemetery.
80. You watch movies like "The Exorcist", "Night of the Living Dead" and "Poltergeist" for prop
"research".
81. You own a chainsaw that's kept in perfect running order, but it hasn't had a chain on it in 3 years.
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